{"id":691,"date":"2014-12-09T04:37:16","date_gmt":"2014-12-09T04:37:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/emmaletters.com\/?p=691"},"modified":"2016-09-28T20:20:38","modified_gmt":"2016-09-29T03:20:38","slug":"santa-clause-is-a-vampire-and-other-relationship-advice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/emmaletters.com\/santa-clause-is-a-vampire-and-other-relationship-advice\/","title":{"rendered":"Santa Clause is a Vampire and Other Relationship Advice"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today we’re picking Anna up from school. \u00a0She was explaining all of her theories \u00a0and asking lots of questions about Santa Clause.<\/p>\n

She says, “Look. I figured it out. \u00a0Santa is a vampire. \u00a0It’s the only thing that makes sense.”<\/p>\n

Why is Santa a vampire, Anna?<\/p>\n

2 reasons: He lives forever. And he has super speed.<\/p>\n

Then she proceeded to ask: How come we never see Santa’s reindeer on the roof? \u00a0I mean, I know he has helpers, but it doesn’t make sense.<\/p>\n

Next question: \u00a0One time I received a dress from Santa and there was still a price tag on it. Explain.<\/p>\n

I was just writing down everything she was saying and trying not to let her see me laughing. \u00a0My mom just starts poking me and asking me to help her out.<\/p>\n

I got nothin.<\/p>\n

Anna has also taken it upon herself to help ease me back into dating.<\/p>\n

A conversation within the first week that I am home:<\/p>\n

Me: I have forgotten\u00a0how to flirt.<\/p>\n

Anna: It’s easy. \u00a0I’ll teach you. She then proceeded to give me all the steps. \u00a0Just in case you wondering, the trick to flirting is complementing. \u00a0Especially one’s biceps. So if I ever compliment you on your biceps I guess I’m flirting with you. \u00a0That’s all I’ve got \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n

Next.<\/p>\n

Anna is an expert on long-distance relationships. \u00a0Not sure how that topic of conversation came up. Here’s the advice:<\/p>\n

That’s what texting and Facetime are for.<\/p>\n

Where’d she learn this? \u00a0Disney channel. \u00a0Help.<\/p>\n

Anna also knows how to break-up with a guy. \u00a0This was inspired by Taylor Swift’s latest music video. \u00a0Anna says that you have to be tough and say “Listen up, punk. Don’t mess with me.” \u00a0Not sure where she picked that one up.<\/p>\n

I love you Anna. \u00a0Some day you’ll be grateful I wrote this post about you. \u00a0Because you’re gonna laugh just as much as we all do \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

\"Anna<\/a>

Anna also tried to teach me how to make this face. This is an embarrassing picture. It’s a “baci” candy. It means “kisses” in Italian. Hence the face. \u00a0Although I don’t think I’ll be taking any kissing tips from Anna any time soon. She’s 10. I’ll\u00a0be the one giving her that advice. LET’S HOPE.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today we’re picking Anna up from school. \u00a0She was explaining all of her theories \u00a0and asking lots of questions about Santa Clause. She says, “Look. I figured it out. \u00a0Santa is a vampire. \u00a0It’s the only thing that makes sense.” Why is Santa a vampire, Anna? 2 reasons: He lives forever. And he has super […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":693,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[20],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/emmaletters.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/691"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/emmaletters.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/emmaletters.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emmaletters.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emmaletters.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=691"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/emmaletters.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/691\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":695,"href":"https:\/\/emmaletters.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/691\/revisions\/695"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emmaletters.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/693"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/emmaletters.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=691"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emmaletters.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=691"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emmaletters.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=691"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}